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March 9, 2010

Larry Penkava - Facility usage

Anonymous The Randolph Guide Tue Mar 09, 2010, 10:08 PM EST

It’s time for men to stand up for their toilet privileges.

We’re being banned from the restroom by some Asian airlines and it’s making air travel an exercise in endurance.

Japan’s All Nippon Airways has announced it’s designating one restroom on most international flights as female-only. Korean Air and Japan Airlines have already started the no-john-for-men policy, which provides lavatories for women while men are forced to spend the flight holding onto what they’ve got.

In an article by Reuters, an airline official said ANA went with the decision to have women-only toilets based on a 2007 survey that found 90 percent of women polled said they liked the idea. Fine, but what did the men say? Yes dear?

The unnamed official (who probably has a private lavatory in her executive office) said women don’t like using shared toilets because men sometimes leave the seat up.

Hey, they should be glad men raise the seat, know what I mean?

The official said demand for women-only toilets was especially high among passengers (obviously women) on long flights. Seems to me the long flights are the worst ones to take toilet rights from men.

OK, here’s the full disclosure: “Men would be allowed to use the lavatory only in emergencies or when there were very few female passengers on the flight.”

So we can use the john if we outnumber women by like 10 to 1. Otherwise, we have to make a big stink before they’ll let us enter the head.

Gee thanks, ANA.

Oh, but get this. All Nippon Airways already has a toilet policy, which is important to their flying philosophy, apparently. They’ve previously implemented a requirement for passengers to use the lavatories at the airport before they board flights.

Want to know why? So as to reduce the overall weight of the plane resulting in less fuel usage.

Wish I’d thought of that when my kids were little.

“Now hear this: all passengers going to Grandma’s house must use the bathroom before boarding the car. With empty bladders we’ll save maybe a drop of gasoline on the five-mile ride.”

I would have thought the airlines were already saving fuel with the ban on drinks, shampoo, shaving cream and other deadly weapons such as pocket knives and fingernail clippers.

Hey, I have an idea. Require all passengers to give a unit of blood before taking off. They could really save on fuel and our blood banks would be full.

Why not have the pilots empty the toilet storage tanks in midflight. After all, they dump fuel all the time.

Next thing you know they’ll be denying seats to overweight people.

Oh wait. They’re already doing that.

I guess riding the interstates isn’t so bad after all. Starvin’ Marvin still allows men to use the toilet.

Larry Penkava, who has written Now and Then since 1994, suggests that men not drink for 12 hours prior to takeoff.

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