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Larry Penkava

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May 3, 2010

NIMBY – don’t be afraid to use it when needed

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----- — Greensboro officials have a problem – squatters. Staff members trusted with the responsibility of protecting city property have found claim jumpers living at Latham Park. The dilemma lies in the fact that the law only provides two ways to deal with these folks – either harass them and hope they’ll leave on their own or, gulp, kill them.

Obviously, the second option hasn’t been very popular with citizens of the Gate City. People tend to see the illegal residents as, well, loveable and cute.

Before I continue, I should identify these squatters. They’re beavers and they’ve found Latham Park to be just their cup of tea.

That’s no surprise since Latham has for years been susceptible to flooding during heavy rainfall. Having beavers to dam up the creek hasn’t helped the situation, it seems.

But the city can’t just round up the furry critters and take them somewhere else. State law doesn’t allow beavers to be moved to another location because they’re considered pests. Relocation would – according to lawmakers – take the problem and dump it on somebody else.

It almost sounds like a public discussion on where to put a landfill. Nobody wants it in their backyard so the powers that be do what’s most logical – flip a coin and put the landfill on the poor side of town.

In the case of the Greensboro beavers, there’s talk about getting the Legislature to change the law so cities can ship their pests to internment camps, preferably suitable ponds where they’re wanted.

But there’s a catch with the solution. According to biologists, if a spot is good for beavers, chances are they’re already there.

Then again, move beavers from a good location like Latham Park and soon there’ll be other squatters to fill the void.

OK, let’s assess the situation: Latham Park has beavers who get their kicks out of damming up the creek to form a lake. The state says you can bug them or kill them, one or the other and nothing else.

Nobody has the stomach to embrace the final solution so that leaves the other option.

It seems to me the logical solution is to badger the beavers.

I’m not talking about playing heavy metal rock music in the middle of the night to prevent the rodents from sleeping. Nor am I advocating waterboarding, which would likely have no effect on beavers.

No, I’m talking about the classic method of dealing with unwanteds in the neighborhood. This method goes by the acronym, NIMBY.

If you’ve ever dealt with planning and zoning issues, you’re familiar with NIMBY – “not in my back yard.”

A 200-lot residential subdivision? NIMBY.

A heavy industrial plant? NIMBY.

How about a new high school? NIMBY.

In fact, I’ve seen neighbors embrace NIMBY when a longtime business owner just wants to expand his operations – NIMBY!

So, how would I apply NIMBY to the beaver problem?

Have the city council authorize the relocation of the Natural Science Center to Latham Park.

Put it right next to the beaver dam. The resident aliens will scream and holler and vow to vote out the incumbents at the next election.

Then, the beavers realize their voices have gone unheard and it’s obvious their abodes are going to be next door to a zoo.

“I can’t stand those creepy lemurs and gibbons.”

“Yeah, and what about those dense tortoises and irritating otters?”

“Forget them. Think about the wolves and tigers and crocodiles – what if one of them escaped and got in our backyard?

“Don’t know about you but I’m outta here!”

Problem solved.



Larry Penkava, who has written Now and Then since 1994, hopes the beavers don’t find his back lot.

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Larry Penkava

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